This is my boy. But he is no longer a boy, he is a young man, just 17.
He was asked to leave home. Wow. Thats is so hard to say, so hard to believe. He is one of the most incredible people you would ever meet. He is so funny, so caring, so kind and so angry.
I miss him. I feel lost without hearing his loud self echoing in our home. But i can breathe. He is not pissed off at everything. He is angry and on attack verbally to me. I don’t know why. I wish I did. He is usually calm and happy but if we say no, he loses his shit. Friday he was grounded, he is failing math, he is not putting the effort in. His teachers are finding he is always on his phone in class and not doing his homework. He is grounded until he is passing. He understood.
He wanted to go shopping with his friend for a tie. We said no. He lost his shit. He became so verbally abusive and said things that I could not imagine could come out of his mouth. it is the 100th time. It has to end. I can not be under attack anymore.
He is not allowed back unless he learns respect. He must take an Anger Management course and go to counselling and then we will also do family counselling. He agreed. He is at his friends house for a month. If things do not change, he will have to figure that out.
There is so much more to this but frankly my soul is so broken right now, I have nothing in me to write. To share. I feel numb. With stabbing shots of pain. Hurt from the guttural place deep inside that is very guarded. I want to be loved and respected. If you knew me as a mother you would know it is the one thing I gave all of me too. I love my son, but i love me enough to know I can not live like this.
We are all sad but we are all safe, emotionally safe. Amanda, my wife and Tatyanah, our daughter.
We teach people how to treat us.
Sometimes it is harder than we thought, I think that means it matters that much more.